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Sugar! Miracle drug of North America! Sweetness without substance!
Energy for nothing! Instant gratification!
Act now, and we'll send you geniune Love! Habit-forming -- neurochemically-based!
Get yours!
Click on your TV -- TV gooood, watch commercials, sit-coms, movies starring
Love, the drug. Get off on ice cream. Worry over the commercial break
about whether Gharma and Dreg are going to be happy and In Love again
by the end of the episode. Feel needed and secure, because the network
has bought you with your emotional sweetspot, and rents you to advertisers
who know you've got love on the brain.
Sure you've got love on the brain! Aren't you hungry? I know I am...I
want a Snickers. You love chocolate, right? Okay, okay, technically,
you don't love chocolate.
You can only love people, or things that look like people. "Baby All-Gone,
I love you!" -- as seen during the Care Bears, back when I was trading
an hour of pumping gas for six dollars plus propane commissions. It
looks like a baby, eats like a baby, cries like a baby, shits like a
baby -- it must be a baby love the damned thing.
Have you ever been in Love? Not love, your own idea, but real Love,
the idea sold to you a long time ago, for the low, low price of your
independent thought (how do they do it? Volume!), your carb-fuelled
excitement keeping you torqued and taut until the crash...and all you've
got left afterward is a bad aftertaste and a big headache. Shoulda gone
diet.
Look for love! To hell with the occasional fool who says you can't.
Look for an emotionally fulfilling relationship. Cash in your EQ points.
It's guaranteed -- 'til death do us part: wasn't that about love? Hell,
you might even win the lottery and get Love At First Sight. Surely you
deserve it anyway. No muss, no fuss of actually getting to know the
person, and it allows you to get on with the good stuff. You can even
simulate Love At First Sight. They've got a drug for it. They were going
to call it Empathy but the name wouldn't sell.
Shit, though, even if you die, who cares, as long as you die rich and
happy and In Love, right? Having the most stuff helps too. Wheel and
deal! Buy high, sell higher! Or don't sell at all -- you can trade your
life for more stuff if you don't want to sell the stuff you've got.
It's great. Everybody's doing it -- well, mostly everybody, and the
ones who aren't are begging to be let into the party. So go out, shop,
and while you're at it, buy some Love.
Prepackaged, disposable, effortless, perfect from the word go. Put it
down and come back to it put it on a pedestal and admire it: Love is
a rose. Love is a Hallmark card love is Valentine's day love is a transcontinental
plane ticket love is your mother's cooking. Love is a commodity, and
love is the same for everybody, so if you're not feeling the love, you
just better keep looking.
Love is a drug. Look for it on street corners and in dark alleys. Look
for it in shop displays, even. Get some with fashion -- I hear they're
doing it as a package deal these days it comes with a pack of Dentyne.
It'll fill your veins and stop your heart and there's nothing like it.
The good stuff is just like sugar.
There. I've made my peace with that. There are some fuzzy peach slices
calling me in the cafeteria.
(Keep love real. Please.)
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